I am rewriting this post because all three books are now done. Let me introduce the situation. My brother has begun writing fan fiction, and he’s done so with a vengeance. He prefers not to be identified by name on the web, and goes by the handle “Semprini,” a Monty Python in-joke.
So far he has written three novels based on the Harry Potter series. The books pick up where Rowling’s fifth book (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) left off. They diverge from the original novels there, so you will note quite a few contradictions between them and Rowling’s sixth book, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Essentially, my brother’s books finish the Rowling series and then some: The Veil of Mystery is book six, The Ring of Reduction is book seven–the end of Harry’s time at Hogwarts–and Phoenix Intuition takes place a few years after Harry graduates. So if you begin reading The Veil of Mystery, it is advised that you re-read Rowling’s The Order of the Phoenix so as to remind yourself where things stand.
All three of my brother’s books were completed before Rowling released The Half-Blood Prince. My brother may or may not write another Harry Potter book in the future, but if he does, it will likely be quite different from the novels he has written, and may be in a very different time and setting.
The books tend to be long. Both Veil and Ring would be more than 1000 pages each if published in hardcover form. We’re talking more than 400,000 words each. Phoenix Intuation is about half that length.
You might also be surprised at the quality: they are extremely well-written. I’m not just saying that because it’s my brother, I mean it. Many readers have even said they prefer my brother’s book six to Rowling’s version–and frankly, I agree. A matter of personal preference, of course–both authors take the series in different directions, which will suit different people in different ways. But to be compared favorably to Rowling is no small feat.
It should also be said that the novels are written for an older audience. There is an strong tendency to weave in elements of morality (without getting even near “preachy”), current events, and observations of interpersonal relationships. In contrast to Rowling’s books where characters act in ways that are forced by drama or mystery, my brother’s rendition of the characters is more in line with real life, the way responsible and rational people act–and yet he maintains drama and mystery.
The books are presented here chiefly as PDF files, readable on any computer. For a Mac, just use TextEdit. For Windows, use Abode Reader or any other application with PDF ability. The books are presented in B5 paper size (roughly 7″ x 10″) to be more readble on a computer monitor; if you print out on US Letter-sized paper, there will either be very large margins, or the typeface will appear a bit large. The third book has a US Letter version; in the future I may translate the first two books to this format also. The first two books also come divided into sets of three chapters, and have plain-text formats as well.
 |
|
| All of the below files are in PDF format. Chapter group files range from 360 KB to 880 KB in size; the whole book file is 4.2 MB. | |
 |
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Download Plain Text version (2.2 MB)
And…
 |
|
| The files below are in PDF format. | |
 |
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
This completes the trilogy. Again, keep in mind that these three fan fiction books assume a branching of events after the end of The Order of the Phoenix; they diverge–sharply, would be a sound guess–from the direction Rowling is taking in her sixth Harry Potter Book, The Half-Blood Prince, due out in less than a week. So if you read The Half-Blood Prince, assume its events take place in a different Harry Potter “universe” or “timeline.”
If you read them, please let me know your thoughts and feelings so I can pass them on to my brother.
By the way, is the B5 size working out? Would anyone prefer US Letter or A4 size for printing, or does everyone read it on the computer?
Stumble it!
SO far so good. Would your bro like an editor? It usually helps BIG time for a long piece of work. Happy to offer my services if interested.
mashu
Sorry,
forgot to add my email.
mashu
Thanks! I’ll pass it along. As for editing, it’s already been done, more or less. I was one, and others did their part as well. If there are smaller errors remaining (I have been correcting the whole book form as I reread it now, sprucing up indents, quote marks, and other stuff), they will just have to be there, I suppose. But if you do notice any problems with continuity or other noticeable slips, please inform me and I’ll pass them on. I’ll also tell my brother about the offer in case he still feels the work is open to editing.
If you’d like to pass on information about slips you find, feel free to list them here; or, if you would prefer, ask me for an email address here and I’ll mail you privately so you can know what address to send to.
By the way, I like to listen to Williams’ scores for the Potter movies while reading the book; sometimes the music is appropriate for what I’m reading at the time, and otherwise, it’s simply good music to have playing.
Do you have any other books in online PDF format?
Um… this is not really an online bookstore or library or anything, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m just putting up my brother’s books. So far, this is the only one, with one more coming soon.
And by the way, dude, fix your web site. It crashed my browser. Something about getting stuck on downloading some page elements from Amazon.
Luis, where were you when I was printing out certain HP fan fiction stories the hard way?
SPOILER SPACE
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
END OF SPOILER SPACE
As you probably already know, I think your brother’s story is brilliant. I can understand how some people might not go for it, if they can’t accept the base concepts which lie as the foundation of the book’s plot and Harry’s abilities - thinking about it abstractly, it’s a bit of a stretch - but like most great science fiction, once you’ve accepted those core principles everything else fits together perfectly and is beautifully consistent. The book’s plot is excellent - I couldn’t believe the non-stop pressure on Harry, with all the varied attacks - the bad guys are *clever*, sometimes forcing me to stop reading for a moment just to catch my breath in surprise - and the characterisation is great (maybe things are a *little* simplified there, with the good guys being *too* good, but what’s wrong with that?). Veil of Mystery is unique in my Harry Potter reading in multiple ways … seriously, most stories follow the tried-and-true “Harry goes to Hogwarts … fights off a Hogsmeade attack … trains some more … takes on Voldemort in a climatic battle”. Voldemort’s continual attempts to kill Harry throughout the book is refreshing, intriguing and chilling all at once. I’ve never read a HP story which dealt with so many ‘adult’/ethical/philosophical issues - which were awfully interesting. While the book is certainly ‘dialogue heavy’ compared to some I found your brother’s writing style to be totally professional … no effort at all required to ‘understand’ the words, just like something you’d buy at a professional bookstore … just dive in and enjoy it. And the general *warmth* of the characters, their support and love for each other … it was just a pleasure to read.
I’ve always been one for ‘re-reading’ things … sometimes I’m lazy and just want to peruse something that I *know* I’ll like if I’ve got a free half hour (before bed), or sometimes I’ll re-read an entire story. The re-read potential of your brother’s book, for me, is amazing. I literally haven’t been able to put it down … several times! It’s bordering on ridiculous, actually.
I could go on for a lot longer in praise - I have, actually, elsewhere
- but I guess I should just say that this is one of the best HP stories I’ve ever read. *Very* pleased to know that the author is still working hard on giving us continuing pleasure from his personal extrapolation of the HP universe.
I read some HP fiction on the screen, while having lunch at work, etcetera, but when I come across something that screams ‘quality’ in the first few chapters I typically print out the story in totality for some dedicated reading time at home. So most of my HP reading is with a paper copy, A4 size.
Cheers,
Brad
Brad:
I’ve been doing a final go-over edit of “Veil of Mystery,” editing out all the reversed quote marks, double spaces, final remaining misspellings and stuff like that, as well as correcting all formatting errors and sprucing up the personal letters/newspaper articles into more appropriate fonts and formats. Should be finished in a few days, and then I’ll replace the current “whole book” file with the final spruced-up one, and I’ll have a blog post on it.
When I get “Ring of Reduction” (have you read that one yet?) I’ll give it the same treatment, this time before I publish it, not after. But it takes a week or two, as I have to read the whole thing with an eye out for typos.
Tito’s finishing up another story, which I’ll proofread soon; when he’s finished with that, I hope to publish it here at the same time he publishes it on the fanfic site.
By the way, any suggestions about formatting?
The image at the top of your Blog has ‘Viel’ instead of ‘Veil’.
Yarghhh…. You’re right. It’s a typo that was in my base file, and every time I make a new graphic, I have to correct it–and I missed it there. Thanks.
Awesome works.
Keep producing for the open source ….
Regards,
JM
Hai Luis
I want to introduce myself as an Indian. I like harry potter potter books. I appreciate you and ur brother’s work on this book. Well , If there would be more books on harry potter Please inform me.Please reply me soon.
Cheers,
David
Hi,
I just wanted to say that your brother’s fanfic is one of the best I have ever read, and I’ve read quite a few; I have now finished both Veil and Ring, and loved both.
Please let us know when the pdf for Ring is finished, I’ll be sure to download it.
Regards,
Andrea
First of all, I’ve enjoyed Veil of Mystery in the PDF format and what there is of Ring of Reduction (hint that I’m looking for more of your brother’s second book.)
I have not read all the posts (just a few here and there) so if I’m repeating anything anyone else has noticed, please forgive me.
Did you know your hyperlink for the text file of Veil of Mystery is incorrect?
Also, there is no Author’s Name on either story nor the standard disclaimers I see elsewhere.
The hyperlink has been restored, thanks. The lack of an author’s name is by the request of the author, who preferred not to be indexed on search engines (though I can say that he is known elsewhere as “Semprini”). Search engines can and do index text and pdf files, so putting the name only within the file would not ‘hide’ it well enough. The disclaimer is an excellent point–maybe it had been added elsewhere by site managers (on sites I don’t frequent), and since this is my first time to post fan fiction, I was unaware of the necessity; I may have to re-post all of the files soon. I’ll get back to you on that.
Thanks for answering my questions and fixing the link. The reason I asked about the author’s name is that is how I file the fanfic I collect for my own enjoyment and these two works will have places of honor.
Please pass my fullsome praise to your brother for his excellent work.
Grossclout
The Editor From Hell
Hello,
U know the Veil of Mystery is the best fanfiction I have evr read. Some parts sound like Rowling herself and I could not give any greater compliment than that. Please upload the Ring whole book pdf soon. I want to download it.And tell u’r brother to keep it up. He can be a great writer . I think so. Best wishes for the future.
Well, this was the first fanfic I’ve ever read, and I have a hard time imagining that other fanfic could surpass this. It was excellent reading.
Hi
I have just finished reading both HP books on here, and I think that your brother ought to seriously think about becoming an author, professionally I mean. The characters were great, the bad guys attempts to take out Harry at almost every corner were fantastic and the ethical dilemmas were very understandable. I found it very chilling the part about the Cleansing, and wonder if perhaps people that kill lots of other people in real life might not do this sort of to themsleves. Like if we hear about someone murdering lots of innocent people and we say that they don’t have a conscience. This is just a magical way of doing that, or at least that’s what it seems like. Very chilling and I think that Snape was extraordinary to have lived like that for so long. I don’t think canon Snape is like that but it would be very interesting if JK Rowling put in something like this. Then again it wouldn’t be fanfiction if that happened.
Overall a very good couple of books. I will defintiely keep this site on my favorites list and it will probably spoil the real 6th book since I’ll be comparing it to the wonderful works of fiction here.
Ciara
Could I offer some minor corrections to “Harry Potter and the Veil of Mystery”?
p. 425: Wouldn’t Harry Potter spell “honor” as “honour”?
p. 482: “. . . people in the scientific community . . .”
I wouldn’t describe wizards as a very “scientific” group of people.
A great read overall. It sometimes gets a little long on the mushy stuff at times.
Ronann:
Neither Potter book is written with the British spellings (”programme,” “colour,” etc.) but with the American spellings. Harry Potter books sold in the U.S. are similarly Americanized, I am fairly certain.
As for the scientific portion of the wizard community, the author is building his own view of the wizarding world, making assumptions that were not necessarily spelled out in the Rowling novels. I’m not even sure if she didn’t mention such a community. However, the existence of such a thing is still implicit in her novels. There are, after all, books on magic which are carefully researched, and professions where magic is seen as at least as much of a science as an art. Take Hermione, for example, or Arthur Weasley, or even Snape. Eqach serious about precise study and measurement, experimentation and documentation. I’d say that’s pretty scientific.
Okay - i’m in the middle of the veil, and i’m loving it.
After being depressed reading the 6th book of the HP canon, your brother comes and writes it the way it SHOULD have been written.
thanks!
i read the veil of mystery in 2 weeks the
ring of reduction i 5 days and phoenix intuition
in 4 days.
I LOVED ALL OF THEM!!
I just noticed that there is a third part and I will start reading imediatly!
I think that ‘Veil of Mystery’ and ‘Ring of Reuction’ are really great!!!!!
My friends thought I was crazy because I just couldn’t stop reading but when I gave them the books they were just the same
GREAT WORK!!!
i havent started reading your brother’s books, but from what i can tell from other peoples’ posts, it should rock!
i just wanted to point out that the third book, phoenix, does not have a text version. please make it available.
a lot of ebook-maniacs, including myself, read on black background, white text. with opera(r) and a text file this is very easy. but acrobat(r) does not do this very nicely.
thanx for the wonderful books.
Rituparno Chakrabarti.
Hey.. i really wanna read these fics, but i was just wondering if you could tell me if its Harry/Severus or what pairings it is before i start to read it. It soulds really good but some pairings i really wanna read and others turn me off, so i was just wondering now before i start reading it and get turned off it in the middle just cuz of a pairing lol…please email me at buffy__89@hotmail.com thanks
Hi,
Excellent work. It took me the whole of a weekend and more to finish the three books.
The effort you have put in has given me hours of reading pleasure to say the least. Thank You.
Thanks!
While going through the works, I noticed something that I should suggest.
Ring Of Reduction:
Chapter 13 : Ginny’s Birthday.
A logical error that could be corrected. The Dursley’s have a anti-Apparation plot set up by Harry that Hermione could not break. The movement of Petunia to St. Mungo’s by Hermione apparating from No 4 Privet Drive could be changed as through Flora (Else you might have to reason out that the Anti Disapparation field doesnt work in a time warp :-))
Chapter 20 : Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw
Page 1011:
Ron. “By the way, I’ve decided to have Madam Pomfrey…” Is it Hooch that you meant ?
-Jai.
I’ve read through the entire series. While all are fairly well-written, and a lot of the issues are well-explored, veil and ring are EXTREMELY preachy, and phoenix just takes it to a whole new level. The political element in phoenix is especially annoying, mostly because the characters are thinly drawn disguises for bush, powell, and others. Really, really annoying. I think anyone, no matter what political stripe, should be able to enjoy any fanfiction. That doesn’t mean that issues can’t be discussed, or characters have a viewpoint, but phoenix intuition is just his vision of the bush administration thinly disguised, with some characteristics that no one has accused his administration of having thrown in for good measure. Before, I could just skip over the preachy parts, and go to the story, but in Phoenix, that IS the story.
I’m in the middle of VoM and I’ve skipped ahead to glance at the other 2, and I must say something disturbes me. How in the world can someone write this type of fanfic, and NOT persue a Ron/Hermione relationship in the least. It was extremely apparent from the books (namely 4) that they would get together, and yet, that relationship isn’t given the slightest chance here. I’m just wondering why.
Not putting Ron and Hermione together was probably the most controversial thing I did in these stories. The fact that this was where JKR was obviously headed notwithstanding, I had to do what made sense to me if I was going to write the stories, and I for whatever reason didn’t ’see’ Ron and Hermione together. I discovered in writing these that when you put this much time into something, you have to go in whatever direction your gut tells you to, and not try to force things to reach a certain result. I wrote the story that I wanted to read; I’m not sure I can give a better answer than that.
Thanks for reading!
Okay so i have only just reached the middle of The Veil and so i am not in enterily the full position to comment but i have a positive comment so that counts, right!? Let me just say that this is absolutly the best fanfition i have EVER read! I gave up on fanfiction ages ago cause it left me feeling empty, or i dont know, bored i guess but i stummbled of this site while reasearching to see if there was any news on the Rowlings last book and fell curious at the amount of pages written. It was like a whole book! and three! Alot of the times i kept forgetting that it wasn’t Rowling writing and it was really weird. Some of the concepts although being far from what Joe would have written, your brother made sound truly believable, i mean as bizarre as it was reading that Harry becomes a teacher, i totally thought it could happen and it makes so much sense, i think that leaving your readers with a sense of belief (even if its fition!) is one serious way to pronounce yourself an author and you know, tell your brother from me that i think if he keeps writing and comes up with something enterily his own one day, that he is going to be a really great author, he is well on his way!!
P.S. I love how this book is mostly dedicated to the “L” word, i think its super important, Joe doesnt use it very ofter herself cause i guess we just have to assume its already there.But i thought everyone admitting thier feelings was really sweet and was overwhelmed many times, very cool
its a Harry/Ginny pairing (to my dislike…) Still think its great though, defidetly worth the read!!
I have barely started reading the first one, but I catch myself every few minutes forgetting that this is a fanfiction and not one of J.K.’s books. It is very well done and I give full encouragement to continue writing.
I started reading a couple of months ago, but couldn’t finish due to time.
Now that I’ve got better internet and all, I simply can’t stay away! I find myself trying to read it at school and it takes up a good part of my time while at home as well. Great, great work!
Adora Svitak has a good chance to become next writing sensation. Her book Flying Fingers already went international, only 8 years old, she has a great shot to write amazing books. Check her site to see more of her work.
I am enjoying reading these works. Quite entertaining.
One character discrepancy I found,
Book: Ring of Reduction
Chapter: 7
Pages 327 and 328
At first Harry is in the liberary with Hermione researching Memory charms, McGonagall arrives and starts talking to Harry and Hermione. The character Giinny is then there instead of Hermione, as McGonagall asks Harry to not mention this chat with Hermione. Then it goes back to Hermione and Harry there with McGonagall.
“SMALL FAUXPAS?”
First, your brother is very talented. I don’t know if he has written for payment but should give it a try. I’m almost finished with Veil of Mystery and have for the most part enjoyed it very much. My only adverse comment is I think he went way overboard with what I will call the lovefest,lovefest,lovefest-pityparty syndrome. It’s part of Harry and his friends to be caring decent young people and is a legitimate part of the storyline but the story would be 400 pages shorter but still as good without the redundancy. I just found myself getting into the habit of scanning each page for repetition and doing a pgdn, pgdn before stopping on an interesting page. My comment aside it was worth the reading. Thank him for his efforts.
i have read book1 and book2 there both great and now reading book3 it good so far in book3 harry can do any using magic right so why not give him the power to turn muggle in to wizards
steven
Steven: continue reading…
very very good work guys. ^_^
thanks for all u have done for the world.
btw: i prefer plain text version, cos they can by viewed easily on my pda.
I just finished reading the three books and I can see why you’re proud of your brother. They were definitely screen scrollers (Page turners). I liked the energy/magic of love concept. I’ve always felt the power that Voldemort didn’t know about was the power of love/friendship. I also, liked the “cleansing” concept to explain why DeathEaters/Snape were so morally bankrupt. I love the world JK has created, but I definitely prefer this storyline to the horcruxes of HBP. Once again, Thanks for the hours of enjoyment.
Fabulous stories. Definitely page-turners.
My main criticism would be the obvious Americanisms in the books which Harry & friends would never use, as the stories are so well-written that these really interrupt the story and ruin the atmosphere. The VAT on Ron’s chess computer thing is the worst of these - all prices in the UK must include VAT by law. Most of the others are just American words and idioms which a British person would never use. I’m not entirely sure whether the author used “England” when he meant “Britain” a few times, too. It’s not a major criticism, but it’s the one (which to me as an Englishman) stands out the most.
Apart from that, I think they’re many hours of my life well-spent! Excellent stories I will definitely read again sometime.
I have read the books a couple of times. They are really great. I would love to see a story would continue on and expand upon the topic of John who has found that he is able to use the Energy of Love, even though he is a muggle. It seemed that this was brought up and then immediately dropped from the story line. This is a plot which could be very entertaining for a book… Just a thought would love to continue reading your books!!!
Cheers,
Brian
After reading only 4 chapters, at about 9 pm, I realized I could easily stay up and read until my eyes burned, from reading it on the computer. I managed to print out a bunch more (but not enough) to take with on a drive. I actually wanted to leave and come back for more - and we were 2½ hours from home!
Great work! I actually thought it would make sense for Harry to teach years 1-5, but thought of Lupin and Moody teaching NEWTS. I didn’t think about all the conflicts that could occure and certainly didn’t think about Harry actually teaching others to use Voldemorte’s name.
I certainly hope these stories come to JKR’s attention. They would be a great addition to her library. I know of several other good FanFic writers, but currently these are the only ones I know of that have completed not 1 but 3 books!
I hope I see more of your (brother’s) work, perhaps with his own characters and story. He has a knack for it.
L
Reading Ring of Reduction now.
I like the pairings. Yeah, Ron and Hermonie seems expected but, it is possible that Ron could have actually seen Hermonie as more of a friend, “one of the guys”.
I like Snape’s dark humor (I share a great deal of it.)
and Dudley’s change of heart.
I love Harry’s conversations with Albus.
I have not problem with Harry and Ginny getting the hand joining thing. It’s sweet and very much how I see them being. I have no problem with H&G snogging (love that word) but I do have a problem with H&G going much further than that. Ginny is a minor. If she and Harry were married, I would have no complaints. But I think there’s too much of the two of them heading off for more.
But if these stories were re-written, I think the legality and morality of the Harry/Ginny relationship should be more sensitive.
Otherwise, I love what I have read. Even (or perhaps, especially) Rita Skeeter.
L
Lori– In a way, I can’t argue with you too much about the Harry/Ginny thing. I wasn’t totally comfortable with it, given her age. But I thought that to do anything else would seem unrealistic, given their feelings and their level of commitment. They may not be married, but as is pointed out, it is a de facto marriage. I just thought, no way they’re not going to do it. But I can see why you felt that way.
Otherwise, thanks very much for the comments. I’m really glad you enjoyed it so much.
Just finished Ch 14 of Ring…
Boy, you love to bring up the difficult topics!!
Homosexuality, Capital Punishment, Underage Sex, Student/Teacher relationships.
I don’t know about the laws in England, but I know that in the US a marriage can take place with concent of parents if one of the partners is a minor. Some states have low ages of consent for marriage (The Southern states are in the mid-teens, i believe.)
I liked - or rather sympathized - with Harry’s bad day. Bad news comes in Three’s!
I hope you are writing other stuff too. I would love to see you publish.
L
Let’s also keep in mind that in reality, a very large number of kids have sex at ages younger than Ginny, and there are many adults who take the same attitude as the author’s–they’re going to do it, it’s understandable, and so long as they’re safe and happy and healthy about it, it’s not that objectionable. The fact that in this case the two are so committed and serious about the relationship makes it even more acceptable, and the younger age of adulthood in this story-universe makes it a closer thing still. I didn’t see it as unnatural at all–as the author said, anything else on the part of Harry and Ginny would have seemed unrealistic, outside of an unrealistic my-kids-would-never-do-that paradigm.
Finished reading #6 & #7.
Laughted, Cried.
Wonderful!
I wonder if JKR, Dan, Emma & Rupert ever have time to read this sort of stuff. Absolutely Wonderful.
I actually think Snape’s additude adjustment is one of the best parts about this story. It makes the outcome with Voldemort plausable.
Thanks!
L
Any chance that “Phoenix Intuition” will be made into a text file? I can’t print out that much material (as much as I would like to) - don’t have the resources.
Thanks!
L
I’ve re-read yr 6 & 7.
the relationship between Harry and Ginny wouldn’t have been written by JKR, who was writing more for kids. But this wasn’t written by JKR. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
The Energy of Love is only hinted on in JKR’s books - It was love that drove Voldemort from Harry’s mind in Order of the Phoenix. And Albus insists in Half-Blood Prince that Love is what will vanquish Voldemort.
Everything in these 2 books feels right. Even Dudley’s change of heart and a tiny softening of heart by Petunia - very tiny. No tears for Fudge. A few for Percy, on behalf of Molly and Arthur (strange how real these familys feel) But shed quite a few for Harry’s pain, losses and guilt. Ginny’s strength is very much in line with her mother’s. only wish there could have been more with the family, other than Molly and Arthur.
But Still I wish I could have the Phoenix Intuition as a txt file. I have a hard time reading that much on a computer screen and would rather take it with me.
Thanks for the stories.
Let us know if you write more stories.
Lori
hi, can you psot a plain text download of phoenix intuition? thanks
I was so awsome i am only in the middle of Veil but it is so good i read this instead of getting my homework done!!
(oops)
I really like your brothers writing it is so good i have to remember that it is not JKR writting this.
Your brother really focus’ about how it is important to Love other people i really like that
a lot of people would have the kind of guts to do that but your brother did and i hop you are proud of it
He is an amazing author. I admit i have tryed to write the sequel to the HP books but can never get past the first page, but for him to write over 1,000 i would never beleive how long it took.
He is truly amazing love the books.!
KAK
i finished the veil and am now on the ring it is really good i am about 200 pages into it so it is turning out well
kak
It is just too bad that the author devotes over a hundred pages to describe Scheduling Conflicts if Harry were to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, and also spends hours summarizing the events of OOTP. Ten pages were spent for a telephone conversation between Harry and Hermione. This piece of fanfiction, excuse me, 1000 page FanBook, is absolutely crammed with run-ons and repetitive dialogue. If the original elements of this story were summarized, they would not be longer than a page.
Excuse my comments above. Even though I may find the Veil of Mystery rambling, it is my moral responsibility to respect the amount of time and effort spent to write it. My apologies, again. I would be devastated if someone wrote something like this about something I had written.
dont you think you are making Dumbledore sound more like a wuss. For christ sake you are having him make quotes from the bible and you are making harry ask questions like he’s in the fucking media. On the whole the plotline is manageable
pardon me, Kaite/Kuba. but Rowling is a bit redundant in her books as well. how many times to we have to know about Quiddich?
these books are taking place in a different timeline. as a wanna-be writer, i can only admire the persistance and determination the author had with this work.
and as for your comment “If the original elements of this story were summarized, they would not be longer than a page.” it was rude. nearly any good story can be condensed to a page. it’s called a synopsis.
in your comment after reading Veil, you sounded like you enjoyed it, after all you went on to read Ring. simply enjoy them for the story they are. if not, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
L
I spent the last quite a while reading all three books during my daily breaks, and boy, you are nothing if not thorough. I admit, some parts ran on and were dull, but there were so many interesting new magical spells, neat places and items, and even great characters (I forget now, is Archibald Dentus in the originals or no?). I must thank you for a truly grand read, and sure would read another episode if you were to make one. It must have taken quite the willpower to complete these to the finish.
Haven’t even finished VOM, but I have them all downloaded, and am going thru them as fast as I can. I’ve already read HBP (dozens of times) and am stuck waiting for DH to come out…not so patiently, either. These stories are like a breath of fresh air, and a very welcome alternative to reading JK’s first six books over and over. I’d love to see more - even if it’s not HP, the writing style is excellent. THANK YOU!!!!
Stephanie
breath taking
Before I start I must mention that I have read MANY, MANY fantasy books (well within the thousands) and yours will remain one of the best ive read for many years to come.
I have read fanfiction before and I must say that I do generaly enjoy it but it tends to just be the same plots again and again with slightly varying scenarios, yours however took on a story of its own.
Yes you were still useing the majority of JKR characters, places and the majority of the world that she has written, but you have changed it and added growth to it in a way she hasn’t.
The main area I see this in is the relationships and the hardships by the characters I think that you have stuck by what you said in earlier posts about how you wrote what you would want to read, unfortunatly with Rowlings books she has had ALOT of pressure apon her to wright to what her audience wants to read (especialy in terms of age group) this had made a HUGE difference in the books and I must say that I found yours favourable (I stil love the orginals however) as it just seems to expand on the characters in such an amazing way.
Ron/Hermione
Through reading the comments I saw that many people were averse to this relationship, I among them especialy as the Nevil/Hermione began, but throughout the book I think you explained it and expaned on both groups relationships so well as to make it seem the most sensible thing in the world, EVEN though Rowling had BLATENTLY been preparing to set R and H up from the very first books. I think the idea grew on me as I thought about real life situations, I have been friends with several females for a significant amount of time and I to see it as you have portrayed Ron to, their just friends nothing more and to even try and think about them otherwise is alittle bit disturbing…
Also the character developement of Pansy was wonderfull, a week or two before reading this book I had been browsing through Rowlings series and started to wonder abit about Pansy, she had on and off roles throughout the books (mainly in her support of Malfoy and in her actions towards Hermione) and I started to wonder why this character has a background storyline of her own in the book (she plays the Malfoys best friend role, similar to Ron and Hermione do for harry) and yet she makes seemingly little to no appearences in the movie, but you have given her a major role of her own AND used her to help get rid of Malfoy one of the more useless characters in Rowlings later books… (I mean really malfoy has not appeared to be a very good antagonist throughout Rowlings books, especialy when you compare his actions to that of Voldemorts and his Death eaters)
Finaly I must say THANKYOU your books were wonderfull I’ve read them all in the last week and must say I found it time well spent, I will now forever be caught in the struggle of which series is the REAL one, Rowlings being the Official, yours being the way as you have said “You wanted to read” and that I wanted to read. I’m sure one day you will be a VERY succesfull and even more talented writer and I for one will be reading everything you write!
If you ever write another book in this series be sure to know that I will definatly be reading it!
I have just finished all three books. The thrid book, Phoenix Intuition, isn’t as well written as the first. I like the idea that youlook at Harry’s life down the line and try to explain whats going on 3 years after the Rings. To me all the book of Rowling’s the first two here take place right after one another. Also the third book jumps around to much to explain what is happening but not from Harry’s postion, such as Rowling’s and TVOM as we as the ROR. They are all are enjoyable. Thank you.
liked them, I would love to know how long that took to write (all three). Constructive points….you don’t need to explain as much directly to the reader, let the story do that. VoM was a little mushy for my taste, PI would have been better with the Muggle politics edited out.
MHO
As my English Lit. Teacher once quoted some thoughts
He said, “A man is a different thought all together he’s a Genius, An adventurer, a power hungry dictator and a lover but the most sacred thought of a man is that as much as he’s all of those things he can be a writer and a reader.”
My regards to the both of you and appreciate a good deed, though rule can be bent and broken at times.
Am sure your brother and you don’t mean to do that.. just continued the line where the writer of the Novels made a tragic Dead stop.
i am happy and would be delighted to read these and makes me feel like am an Actual viewer inside the novel while the occupants of story move left and right around me
on the Note: It would have been nice to actually come forth and Award you both a Certificate of merit (for Each) 3 books and a Cash prize for doing a Job well done, No jokes, i don’t take these books lightly if time and space and concentration was spent on them then i have to regard them in the Amateur collection of stories.
You’re brother might be the writer but you are the publisher of his works
Hope to hear more from the both of you on these and others like these stories for it nice to spend some time alone in a room to read a fantasy.
May God bless you both for sight and a Happy Prosperous future
i’m so far on the first story on like the eight chapter, your brother has an amazing style of writing, has he thought of posting them on Fanfiction or are they?
Awesome set of books.
I bow to you. I have read all the 3 - veil, ring and phoenix and this is the best collection of fan fiction I have come across. The imagination and depth if very good. The concept of
love as being the power that the dark lord knows not is developed beautifully. I prefer it to the JKR series. Excellent, nail biting encounters and great depth of characters. I offer my sincerest appreciation. Will spread the word around.
A suggestion. it would be great if the author could post his books all around then HP fan fiction world. There are lots of fan fiction sites that collate this class of fan fiction.
As one of the best works ever, I would love if more people stumble across your work and enjoy and appreciate your efforts and talents in creative writing.
Good luck with all your future writings. I pray you never have a writer’s block and we get more alternate HP stories.
Am a huge fan.
‘m in chapter 15 of “veil” after reading for 2 days. First of all I am impressed by the length of your fanfic and by the fact that it is tense enough to keep me reading for several hours without putting it down! Thank you! I really like many of your ideas with respect to the plot. However what I don’t like are many redundant, pseudo-philosophical dialogues. They often involve unspoken back tapping and circle jerking and are sometimes almost as douche as in Dawson’s Creek (Please tell me that you won’t make Harry suck cock in one of the later chapters!!!):-(. [Although, ironically, those are exactly the type of dialogues people use to have in high school in real life since they want to appear deep and mature...] Also, the character traits of your characters are not always clear and specific enough. Most of them could be the same person. I am lacking the pleasant shades of grey, Rowling introduced in book 5: except for Voldemort (who is evil) the characters shouldn’t be that black and white. But, don’t get me wrong, overall I like your fanfic a lot and I will keep on reading!
I have finished ‘the veil’ and I must say that I have enjoyed the reading very much. A big ‘thanks’ to the author and to everyone who has supported him! Though sometimes the dialogues may annoy with redundancy - yeah we know that you guys love each other, really, it’s fine…- the book gets really great towards the end. I admire the many great ideas which have found their way into the story! I am really looking forward to reading ‘the ring’ but only after having finished my finals - otherwise I wouldn’t study enough:-)
I just finished VOM and really enjoyed it. I agree with what some people said about the author getting very preachy and redundant with all the “love” talk… This happened a lot in the beginning of the book, but somewhere around page 500 it picks up pace and I had to make time to finish it when I should have been doing other things.
Thanks so much to the author for writing, and I can’t wait to read the next two books!
I have Deathly Hollows ebook for $5 for those who can’t wait *****@hotmail.com paypal only!
I allowed “zerocool”’s above comment through, with email obscured, purely so we could scoff and laugh at it. I can only presume that the loser thinks that kids will fall for the lame scheme and send in five bucks.
i read all the books and im pretty amazed. it was really interesting, with really good scenario. i really did like it
and as u said its probably better than JK Rowling’s version 
good job!
Tooooo Goooooooood
Thats a lot of efforts spent and worth it !!!!
I like the way Pansy’s life took turn .
Mr Mashu your brother is really amazing alongwith the fact that he has a strong convincing ability. I have read these books 1 & half year ago and i must say that i am always ready to read these books again &again.
hi, i just wanted to say that your brothers books are great and that it would be wonderful if you made a plain text version for phoenix institution.
thanks.
P.S.
I did not read the other comments, so sorry if I repeted anything anyone else has said, and please send you answer to my email, NOT in another comment.
Hello!
I’ve just read a few hundred pages of HP and the Veil of Mystery, and I’m totally impressed by the excellent impersonation of Jo’s writing. Honestly, I’ve never seen better. The writing style and vocabulary (though the ones in VoM were marginally more challenging) was done so well that I started getting VoM confused with the REAL HP plot!
Unfortunately I do have a few criticisms:
- The lack of character in the characters. Much like the same person speaking, though with the aid of the original plot included in there, the people mostly remain dynamic.
- Overload of “conversations about feelings”. I saw page after page of dialogue about each persons’ deepest feelings, and this, to me, doused your exciting plot completely. This ties in a bit with the bland characters, because along the way I got the feeling that VoM has hints of a sugary and de-mystified version of the original HP. Everybody, even Snape and the Dursley parents, are considerate to the point where their traits clash.
Although I most likely wont finish the fiction, I did skim the rest of the pages, and I’m impressed with your endurance. Keep writing for the better - and thanks for sharing your fiction!
-Eva
well done for writing these books, and it is a coincidence that on page 360 of ring of reduction, dumbledore mentions killing grindelwald was for ‘the greater good’, as this is what he and grindelwald said as children in deathly hallows.
Thank you for these - read all 3 books in a week, and kept wanting to know what happens next, so well done for that. I think the premise (love) is great, although at the end sections of Ring it started to get into ‘Matix’ style cod-philosophy and variations of too many religions and pseudo-religions thrown together. Personally I thought that this was rescued somewhat in Phoenix Intuition, and particularly enjoyed the fact that it was related to ‘current’ (ish) Muggle events in ways that are plausible given the stated universe.
Small comments - yes, at times the Americanisms irritated me - but then I’m a hard-line Brit, and I understand that in a writing like this you can’t edit it to different tastes, not really a complaint, but it grated. More than that, dialogue goes on much longer than it needs to at times - it seems that there is a need to over-explain, and over-analyse the spirtual / mystical side of things, rather than letting them explain themselves which I think would be more natural, but again this is a small point which should in no way detract from the good work that has been done, more just a comment for any future writings, which I hope that there will be in due course.
The books I’ve finally read them and yes they are excellently written but they are too lets use the word “gay” not as in homosexual no but as in happy or sickeningly to lovey dovey yep I like a bit of romance and love within a story but these take that to the extremes I must say now also I don’t much like Order of the Phoenix - Halfblood Prince or Deathly Hallows by JK there too boring and actually prefured the fake Deathly Hallows that everyone was raving about it was much better XD
Like pretty much everyone above, just letting you know that the hard work and effort is appreciated. Thank you for providing us all with hours of excellent reading
Seriously though, (and I’m sure you’ve had this said to you many times before) you should at least consider becoming a professional author. I know I’d sure as hell buy anything you wrote.
Oh, and also… You are a GOD!
I was just wondering.
Your “little brother” wrote all of this; how old was he when he write this?
And how old is he now?
Is there anything he would change in them now that he’s older?
Eh? Where did you get “little” brother from? Never said that, and he’s not. He’s older than I am, and I’m in my 40’s. And he’s only two years older now than he was when he wrote them…
Errr… Not quite as good as JK but still the best fan fiction that i’ve read for harry potter
My sincerest congratulations and my best atempt at spelling
Please write more
Hello…
I know i’m going to sound anal retentive but:
VOM: No such thing as a pound note… not since the mid 70’s… not in England
VOM: The “Sorcerers Stone” should be refered to as the “Philosophers Stone”
VOM: London is not laid out in the standard grid format in most modern cities as it actually has a history (shocking i know) so don’t bastardise the English culture by saying that the department store is just a few blocks away.
VOM: VAT is included in the sale price of most stores unlike the USA’s sales tax
VOM: Its Vincent Crabbe… not Victor Crabbe
Other than that ( being typically brittish, I may find more to complain about) a great book.
um.. this book sounds really goodbut i havn’t read it yet.
I have read other fan-fiction books and most well known was the fake harry potter and the deathly hallows which was claimed to be leaked. That book was okay but it had way too much love, kissing and other more physical ways of showing love. Hopefully this book isn’t like that because i don’t like those kind of things too much. Oh yea, i wanted to know what preachy means.
great books!
I just finished Phoenix Intuition and I wanted to say that you wrapped up the ending perfectly. I’m sure that most amateur writers would leave the readers hanging and longing for more, this ending was perfectly in line with the Harry you created in the books. Thanks for the hours of fun!
I agree with the other people commenting on this: you could become a professional writer. The only problem with that would be that you would have to tell us your name!
Page 132 of The Prisoner of Askaban shows Lupin taking the class into the staff room.
Thought you might want to know.
I really love this so far, but one note - in the section where they’re at the store and Ron gets the electronic chess set and they go on about VAT? Trying not to sound to nit-picky but VAT is included in the price tags over here. So you always pay what’s on the tag (well, unless there’s a sale and you didn’t notice or something). It’s one of the reasons I’ve always found the US so bizzar, the price on the price tag isn’t actually the price. It’s very odd.
In any case, shall be back with a more coherent comment after I finish the series.
wats up dude!!!
gr8 story
looks like ur bro is gonna be a famus ritr!
but, when will the next part be arriving!!?
Hi, Loved the books. They opened up J.K. Rowlings Magical Universe in ways never done before. Also, these books are written in a way that’s actually more realistic(If you know what I mean) than the other Fan Fiction works, maybe even better than the Original Works. Would like to know if your Brother is planning to continue the Story Arc. There’s certainly a helluva lot of scope for that!!
Wilson…
Dennis:
Thanks! I’ll pass that along to my brother. He has just finished the draft of a fourth book, but it is not a continuation of the 3-book arc he wrote for an alternate post-Phoenix story. Instead, in the new book, he picks up soon after the end of Rowling’s Deathly Hallows and follows that story line. Don’t know when the final draft will be ready; just keep checking back on this blog.
Hi,
I am reading Veil of Mystery and I love it. I am French (as you may see with my “not-so-good” english writing) but I can read well. I would like to know if you would mind if anyone was asking you to translate the book in french? You can e-mail me back to let me know if it is possible or not.
Thanks.
Hello, Noemie, sorry for not responding sooner. Translating the story would be an enormous task, as it exceeds 400,000 words. I would be amazed if anyone could manage it. But if you wanted to try, then by all means do so. I think that would be great.
I just read all three books straight through in a bit less than one week. (Yey summer vacation!)
The second one was my favorite, but they all rocked in their own special way. I think I see now why people prefer these over JK’s versions. Tell your brother that he’s got talent
Thats a great……….
i enjoyed reading that…..
i think that they may be greater than originals…….(try selling this to some film makers[:D])
There are some boring parts….{sorry for bluntness)….but they are very less…….may be less than 20-30 pages out of 1200………..
you have a great imagination……(do you have mysticism class in your area[:P])…….
i will be happy to read a 4th book……..(ofcourse i will not raising my hopes!)…
hi, i like your version a lot, why havent you this website your lates book?
i have read it at other website your 4th book, even that still not finish yet and you only gave us chapter by chapter.
i will be waiting for the complete book…..
sorry…. wahat i meant is …. why havent you give this website your 4th book
Your books were just more fun than JKRs……great work…..
PS:- I also want to read other fan fictions….and i want in pdf/doc/txt format…
can you suggest any…
whaere is ur fourth book put up?????????????????????/
http://www.fictionalley.org/authors/semprini/HPATAL.html
This is the link for the 4th book
I am working on reading these books and in turn are giving you a link to another fan fiction that is also good. Check out Elderscrossing.com
My blog also contains alot of info on this story [see link in name]
RSS feed for comments on this post.
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>