November 28, 2004

From the RNC Dictionary



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9/11 (noun phrase): a catchall reason to justify any Republican failing, support any Republican agenda, or excuse any Republican crime or malfeasance. See Get Out of Jail Free Card.

abortion (abomination): see partial-birth abortion or baby-killing.

accountability (noun): claiming responsibility while blaming others and accepting no punishment or penalty of any sort. See responsibility.

affirmative action (noun phrase): stealing jobs or university seats from deserving white males and giving them to shiftless, lazy minorities. See special rights.

alternative fuel source (compound noun): oil drilling in new locations, especially protected wildlife areas.

around the corner (prepositional phrase): "never going to happen."

arrogant (adjective): see humble.

bipartisan (adjective): what Republicans are by default, especially when suppressing Democrats and ramming through a one-sided Republican agenda.

cognitive dissonance (noun phrase): a way of life.

constitutional amendment (noun phrase): veto power over the judicial branch when asserting unconstitutional conservative agendas.

darwin (proper noun): a godless heathen whose theories are an abomination except when applied to social and fiscal issues.

evil (noun): not conservative. See traitor.

fundamentalism (noun): see base.

grassroots (adjective): see astroturf.

homeland security (compound noun): an excellent vehicle for forwarding a conservative political agenda while stripping away constitutional rights disliked by the right wing. Otherwise meaningless.

homosexuality ( abomination ): a choice made by godless deviants so they can become child molesters and recruit everyone else into homosexuality.

humble (adjective): see arrogant.

indictment (noun): see DeLay, Tom, and denial strategies. Otherwise, a political tool to be used against Democrats.

legislating from the bench (gerund phrase): whenever a judge or justice interprets the law to your disliking.

lesbian (noun): acceptable in some video entertainment; otherwise: a woman who refuses to go out on a date with a Republican male.

medicaid (noun): a wasteful welfare program. If an American doesn't make enough money, he and his family don't deserve to live in health; see social darwinism.

moderate (adjective): regarding Democrats: a non-existent, mythical being (they are all extremists, especially when running for office); regarding Republicans: see traitor.

most liberal (superlative adjective): any Democrat who runs for president.

nation-building (gerund): what Democrats do when they involve themselves in any foreign affairs; null meaning when applied to conservatives (see liberating).

osama bin laden (proper noun): who?

partial-birth abortion (compound noun): a rare procedure which is used in extreme circumstances to save the life of a mother or when the mother's health is in jeopardy and the fetus is non-viable. the most revolting form of abortion that could be found so as to be misrepresented as abortion in general.

pledge of allegiance (noun phrase): an excellent device to be used when real issues present embarrassing dilemmas.

pro-life (adjective): a philosophy that applies only to those who have not yet been born. After birth, social darwinism applies.

racist (adjective): any Democrats who dares to challenge an extremist conservative judicial bench appointment where the candidate is a minority. Also see affirmative action.

responsibility (noun): something to be avoided at all costs while appearing to embrace it.

science (noun): a field dedicated to proving correct the current conservative agenda. Otherwise, see witchcraft.

second amendment (holy script): the only sacrosanct part of the bill of rights (applies to second half of amendment only).

separation of church and state (noun phrase): see unification of Protestant Christianity and state.

social security (noun phrase): a type of welfare which should be ended as soon as is feasible while appearing to champion, reform and save it so as to garner the valuable senior citizen vote. Unneeded as anyone who is worth their salt will be wealthy enough to take care of themselves upon retirement. In the meantime, a good source of money to steal from. See social darwinism.

special rights/privileges/preferences (noun phrase): whenever a minority or non-heterosexual-male gender group is given the same rights, liberties or protections enjoyed by straight white males.

ten commandments, the (noun phrase): when publicly displayed, a catchall solution to any social problem; also a good wedge to open the door to unification of church and state. See indoctrination.

tolerance (noun): allowing Democrats to vote (or at least to think they are voting)

uniter (noun): someone who divides.

values (noun): what, by definition, conservatives have and liberals do not have. Otherwise, a vague catchall term to add apparent moral strength to any conservative idea.

voter fraud (compound noun): when someone votes for the Democratic candidate, particularly a minority voter.

women's rights (noun phrase): see special rights.

Posted by Luis at November 28, 2004 01:02 PM
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